A child can be in the classroom, have the right resources and be sitting alongside their peers, yet still find it difficult to participate. They might be worried about something that happened before school, overwhelmed by a disagreement or struggling with the possibility of getting something wrong.
As a headteacher, this is where I think our understanding of inclusion needs to begin. Access matters, but so does the child’s experience of that access:
• Do they feel secure enough to contribute? • Can they manage the emotional demands of learning? • Do they feel that they belong when things become difficult?
At Kingston Primary School, emotional regulation is part of how we approach these questions. A whole-school approach means shared understanding and responsibility, alongside recognition that individual children have different needs. That distinction matters: consistency lies in our principles, while understanding remains personal to the child.
Creating this shared understanding requires ongoing professional development, reflection and discussion so that staff develop a common language and approach.
Starting with what we notice
School life gives us plenty of opportunities to see children’s behaviour. Understanding what we are seeing is more complicated.
A child refuses to begin a task. Another repeatedly seeks reassurance. A third sits quietly, contributes little and attracts no particular concern. These behaviours look different, but each may tell us something about how a child is experiencing school.
The DfE’s Mental health and behaviour in schools recognises that mental health difficulties can manifest through disruption, anxiety or withdrawal. This matters because the children who draw our attention most readily are not necessarily the only children finding participation difficult.
For me, this is an important starting point. An understanding of inclusion based mainly on visible disruption risks overlooking children whose distress is quieter.
Thinking about the demands of learning
We ask children to do emotionally demanding things throughout the day. They encounter unfamiliar ideas, make mistakes, receive feedback and work with people who may think differently from them.
These are valuable parts of education. They also require children to manage feelings.
Emotional regulation concerns recognising and managing emotions sufficiently to respond to situations and demands. It does not require children to feel calm or happy all the time. Frustration, disappointment and worry are ordinary experiences.
The difficulty comes when those feelings overwhelm a child’s capacity to participate. At Kingston, we recognise that emotional overwhelm can make learning and reflection harder.
That helps us think more carefully about apparent disengagement. Sometimes, the challenge is the emotional demand involved in accessing the learning.
EEF Improving Social and Emotional Learning in Primary Schools
What the research adds
The EEF’s Improving Social and Emotional Learning in Primary Schools draws on commissioned evidence review and places social and emotional development firmly within primary education. It highlights its importance for all pupils, particularly disadvantaged and vulnerable children. For some disadvantaged pupils, school may be one of the most consistent environments in their lives, making a sense of belonging and emotional security particularly important for participation and learning.
Recommendation 1 in this guidance report highlights the importance of explicitly teaching social and emotional skills, while embedding them through everyday classroom interactions and wider school culture.
The current EEF Toolkit reports an average of three additional months of academic progress associated with social and emotional learning approaches. The average for primary studies is two months. These findings concern social and emotional learning broadly, rather than emotional regulation alone, and cannot guarantee an outcome for an individual school.
Nevertheless, they give us reason to take this relationship seriously. Emotional development and academic ambition can support one another.
The EEF also recognises that managing emotions matters beyond test results. Relationships and attitudes towards learning have value in their own right.
Seeing the whole school day
A child’s experience of school extends beyond the classroom. They encounter different adults, move between spaces and navigate friendships, transitions and expectations.
What happens in one part of the day can affect another. An upsetting lunchtime interaction may remain with a child during an afternoon lesson. Anxiety at arrival may influence their willingness to contribute later.
This is why I find it difficult to think about emotional regulation as something belonging to one member of staff or one area of provision.
A strong relationship with a particular adult matters. However, a child’s sense of inclusion should extend across their school experience.
The DfE’s joint guidance on mental health and wellbeing emphasises a consistent, comprehensive whole-school approach. It recognises the importance of the wider school culture.
Understanding belonging
Our commitment to Essex’s Trauma Perceptive Practice approach, which emphasises compassion, hope, connection and belonging, reflects the importance we place on creating emotionally safe environments for children.
A whole-school approach relies on more than good intentions. It requires shared training, consistent routines and regular opportunities for staff to develop their understanding.
For me, belonging is especially important when a child finds school difficult. It is easy to feel part of a community when everything is going well. The more searching question is whether that membership still feels secure during frustration, conflict or emotional overwhelm.
Children need to experience themselves as valued members of the school throughout those difficulties. This adds another dimension to inclusion. Alongside access and participation, we need to consider whether children feel accepted when they struggle. Their emotional difficulties should not become the defining feature of how they believe others see them.
EEF Special Education Needs in Mainstream School Summary of Recommendations
Recognising different starting points
Children bring different experiences into school. Adversity and attachment-related needs may influence some children’s emotional responses.
This requires careful thinking. We cannot assume that every difficulty indicates trauma or that a child’s history determines their future. We can recognise that the same situation may carry different demands for different pupils.
Understanding neurodiversity and disability also brings equity into the discussion. Shared expectations exist alongside differences in how children experience and manage those expectations.
The question for us is whether children with different emotional needs can experience that entitlement fully. Difficulty with regulation should not narrow our view of their potential or their place within the community.
Keeping expectations and inclusion connected
Understanding emotional needs also means thinking about the whole community. Every child needs to experience safety and have opportunities to learn.
Kingston’s policy retains boundaries, consequences and accountability within supportive relationships. That connection matters. Emotional understanding does not remove the impact behaviour can have on others.
The EEF’s behaviour guidance recognises the effects of disruption on classmates’ outcomes and teacher stress.
A whole-school perspective holds these responsibilities together. It considers the child experiencing difficulty, their peers and the adults working with them. Inclusion needs to make sense for everyone.
Some final reflections
• For me, the strongest reason for a whole-school approach is that children should not have to discover which adults understand them before they can feel included. • Emotional regulation influences participation throughout the day. Our responsibility for understanding it therefore belongs across the school. • A useful question for any school is: would a child experiencing emotional overwhelm feel equally understood wherever they were in our school?
