Research School Network: The Comfort of Normality


The Comfort of Normality

by Billesley Research School
on the

Lockdown for me, as a teacher, has been one of the most challenging times in my career so far and one that no amount of guidance could have prepared me for. The uncertainty of when normality would return was a daily battle for me as too was staying motivated and positive. Online teaching opened up an array of challenges which nothing could have prepared any teacher for – irrelevant of how long you have been in the profession or how computer literate you are. My passion for my role still weighed heavily as I was unsure of how to positively engage all of the children within my year group whilst at the same time ensuring that they were all physically and mentally healthy and safe.

As the lockdown continued, there were so many mixed messages from different media outlets. Teachers were vilified and seen as a profession sitting at home seeing the time as an extended holiday. Teaching unions were identified as being awkward and not working together to ensure children were receiving the best’ education. For me, this could not have been any further from the reality of the situation. Working tirelessly on the computer at home every day became the new norm, as was having daily online conversations with the children answering their many questions – How do I do this work?’ ‘’When will we see the teachers again?’ How do I find the work that I have accidentally deleted?’ In reality, all I wanted to be able to do was put my arms around all of the children and let them know that normality would return.

Hearing that the school was due to reopen after 12 weeks of lockdown learning’ suddenly resulted in an overwhelming sense of fear and trepidation. For so many weeks up til that point, I knew that I had successfully kept both myself, my family and my students safe and for me (like everyone else) this was the most important thing. Yet, suddenly, this safety net was now at risk of being taken away from me and the uncertainty felt by so many was now knocking at my front door. I felt torn. Knowing if I returned to work I could put my health and the health of the ones I love at risk made my decision even more challenging. Yet battling against that was my desire to return to teaching’ the children who I had missed more than I ever realised I would, to be able to see them face to face and to interact in the way I so wanted and craved. After much soul searching and many, many conversations with family, I felt the right thing to do would be to agree to return to work. However, once I had agreed, I would be lying if I did not say that every hour leading up to my return resulted in my personal levels of anxiety reaching a point which made me feel extremely uncomfortable. How would I remain safe? Would the children understand the need to stay socially distant from me? What happens if I become ill and can no longer ensure the safety of my own family and those around me I love? Somehow, I managed to contain all of these fears and my first day back at work soon came round.

For the rest of my life, I do not think I will forget that drive to work. What would normally take me anywhere up to an hour took me only 20 minutes! The solitude of that first journey was overwhelming. The roads were empty, the streets were empty and I felt empty. Not knowing what I would be faced with made me consider whether I had made the right decision.

As I pulled into the car park, again the emptiness appeared. Just two cars sat in front of me and any security of my normal’ job was snatched away from me. Anxiously, I went through my mental checklist of safety that I had rehearsed at home so many times. I also knew that the leadership team had done as much as they possibly could to ensure that everybody was both safe and comfortable with their new roles. There was now no more that I could do, so I entered the school building. I still do not know what I thought I would find but what I do know is seeing that first familiar face allowed many of my anxieties to disappear. Unfortunately, other than the faces I saw, very little else felt familiar. I walked into my bubble’ classroom and knew instantly that my working day would not be one that I was familiar with. Within half an hour, the room had filled with a small group of children whose faces or names I was sadly unfamiliar with. It was only day 4 of teaching the children of key workers so we were all still muddling our way through trying to make the children feel safe whilst at the same time trying to give the day a purpose.

The most noticeable thing for me from that first day through to today, was (and is) the ongoing resilience, strength and perseverance of all of the children, no matter their age. Nothing phased them. They adapted. They changed. And, in all honesty, lots of them thrived and demonstrated a strength of character that up until now had never been seen. Slowly and tentatively, the classroom bubbles once again became filled with laughter and a true sense of hope through what can only be described as a very dark period of time. The positivity of the children most certainly rubbed off on me and helped me through those first few days. It was O.K, to high five a child in need of reassurance all be it done in a virtual manner! The positive attitudes displayed during those first few weeks must always be applauded and never forgotten as, if I’m honest, they appeared to be coping far better than I was. I questioned everything. Was I doing enough to keep the children safe and protected? Was I keeping myself safe and protected? Have I cleaned anything and everything that anyone from the classroom touched? Were the children happy and unaware of the crazy world around them? Looking back, I can hand on heart say they were all happy, they were all smiling and they were all embracing the new normal. And, slowly but surely, so did I.

We’re now in week 14, and much to my own surprise, I can honestly say I am thoroughly enjoying working with the bubble of children and staff I have been assigned to. I am having to adapt, and change, everything I thought I knew and what seemed important 6 months ago no longer seems to hold the same importance. It is now clear that there is an overwhelming sense of solidarity amongst the teachers, teaching assistants, children, office staff and all of the hidden members of staff who keep the school running safely day to day. It is clear that we are all in this together, we are all here to support each other and to ensure that anybody who is in school feels as comfortable and as safe as possible. We continue to adapt every day as changes are made by those in position to keep the country safe, and although at times this can prove frustrating, we will not let anything beat us.

I am confident to say that when I look back at this period of time in many years I will feel extremely proud knowing that I did everything I could to ensure that for some children their lives remained as normal as possible and we were able to offer safety and security in a time of great uncertainty.

Julie Leach
Research Associate

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